


Rumours

by smaragdbird



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Humor, Multi, Press and Tabloids, Rumors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers are sort of famous so of course the press can and will pull out all sorts of rumours about them.</p>
<p>Or five rumours that were obviously wrong and one that was true but no one believed it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rumours

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this ](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/4305.html?thread=2787793#t2787793) prompt on .

1\. SuperSpy Baby?  
 _Only female member of the Avengers, Natasha Romanov seemed to have gained a little weight lately. Of course there are many possible reasons for that but Miss Romanov has been seen more often than not in fellow Avenger Clint Barton’s company._

_As an inside source revealed these two have been close for a long time and “having a baby would surprise no one here”._

_The Avenger’s were not able to be reached for a statement yet._

“What’s the difference between those pictures?” Thor asked, staring down at the photos that documented Natasha’s “weight gain”.

“She’s exhaling in one”, Tony answered with a grin. “Girl or boy?”

Both Natasha and Clint glared at him.

“It’s not surprising, this kind of press”, Bruce commented.

“The only surprising thing is that the article isn’t about Tony”, Clint grinned.

“Hey!”

“Why would they even print something like this in the first place?” Steve asked, sounding disappointed. 

“Because they can”, Tony answered. “Better get used to it.”

 

2\. Illegitimate daughter?  
 _Stark Tower is long since known to be the Avengers Initiative Headquarters but what about the other visitors this place regularly sees? No one is of course surprised by the presence of Virginia Potts, CO of Stark International but what about the elusive Darcy Lewis?_

_Darcy Lewis, alumni of political science at Culver University, has been seen leaving Stark Tower at all times of the day on multiple occasions. When asked about her presence there, her only reaction was “No comment” but is there a reason for her to be there?_

_As the photos show, Darcy Lewis shows no resemblance to her father but our research disclosed that her mother was an employee of Stark International before Darcy was born. And Stark International’s charismatic head, Tony Stark, is known for his eclectic taste in women._

_Could Darcy Lewis be Tony Stark’s illegitimate daughter?_

“Aww, dad, you owe me a lifetime of pocket money and presents”, Darcy laughed when she finished reading the article.

“How old are you again?” Tony asked, “Because they might have made me an early dad.”

“Don’t tell me you were less promiscuous with 19?” Darcy replied, having done the math.

“Not with people I work with. That’s unprofessional.”

Bruce cleared his throat, giving Tony a pointed look.

“Not always”, Tony amended.

“I don’t even look like you”, Darcy complained.

“That’s what you take away from this article?” Tony asked dryly.

“I thought we all agreed that it was complete bullshit.”

“It could be worse”, Natasha said. “They could have made you Tony’s lover.”

Darcy grimaced.

“Hey”, Tony protested. “I’m good. Bruce, tell her.”

“I have some cell cultures that need attending to”; Bruce replied, carefully not noticing Tony’s pout. “After all I’m that co-worker you don’t sleep with because it’s unprofessional.”

“Come on, that wasn’t about you!” Tony called after him.

“You know, you’re right, that would have been worse”, Darcy said to Natasha and kissed her. “And the less they gossip about us, the better.”

 

3\. A love across time?  
 _That tension is running high between Tony Stark aka Iron Man and Steve Rogers better known as Captain America has never been a secret. However an inside source now revealed that “Those two bicker like an old married couple” and “the only tension in Stark Tower is sexual tension”._

_This also puts a new light on Captain America’s relationship with Tony Stark’s father Howard who was a known associate and close friend of Captain America and to whom Tony has a close resemblance._

_Could Steve Rogers be falling for the known ladies man in an attempt to recreate the lost romance with Howard Stark 70 years ago?_

“That’s wrong!” Steve protested. “They’ve got it all wrong. Tony, believe me it wasn’t like that with Howard. We were friends, that’s all.”

“Relax, Steve, I haven’t believed a single word the rainbow press printed since I was in primary school.”

“So you’re not in love with Tony?” Clint asked and when Steve vehemently shook his head, he grinned at Coulson and added, “Looks like he’s still free for you.”

“I’ve got a nice three months mission to Siberia, Agent Barton”, Phil replied, glaring Clint down.

“Riding off with your childhood hero into the sunset”, he snickered.

“And a direct follow-up in Somalia, for four months”, Phil didn’t even miss a beat.

“You wouldn’t do that to me, you’d miss me too much.”

“As you just pointed out I would have Captain Rogers for company.”

Clint was, for once, at loss for words.

4\. Encounter of the fourth kind?  
 _There has been some controversy over the inclusion of Thor, alien from the planet Asgard, in the Avengers Initiative. So far Shield has issued no statement why Thor was made a team member but the revelations by a Shield agent shed a new light on the issue and implicate the neutrality of Shield Agent Phil Coulson._

_“I mean this guy had just broken into our base and beaten up our men and one flash of an obviously fake ID and Coulson lets him go” our inside source says, “and if that was not enough after that thing attacked us he lets him go again without clearing up the mess he left behind.”_

_Our source also assured us that it was Agent Coulson who vouched for Thor’s place on the Avengers._

_“They play it close to the chest but once you look at all the evidence it becomes obvious. I mean workplace romances are sort of normal but this blatant favouritism shouldn’t be ignored.”_

“If I find any proof that you were their inside source, I’ll lend you to the BPRD base in Antarctica for an indefinite amount of time”, Phil told Clint so blandly that it was absolutely terrifying.

“Why do you even think I would this?”

“This is exactly the sort of thing you’d find funny.”

“It is funny!”

Phil glared at him.

“Little bit? No?”

“That’s hilarious!” Tony declared. “That anyone would think...you and Thor…” he collapsed on the sofa. Thor was laughing too and even Steve looked amused.

Phil would send them all to Asgard and make them babysit Loki, excluding Natasha of course.

“I wonder how you got Fury to approve Thor’s place here”, Natasha smirked, waving with the magazine.

Scratch that. He would especially send Natasha.

 

5\. Legal love affairs?  
 _These pictures show Tony Stark with fellow Avenger Natasha Romanov and Shield Agent Phil Coulson. They were taken a week ago and betray the closeness between those three which apparently goes back a long way._

_Our investigations have brought to light that two years ago, during the Hammer incident, both Phil Coulson and Natasha Romanov became close associates of Tony Stark and have been ever since._

_In fact Phil Coulson’s name can be linked to Tony Stark back to the time right after his kidnapping in Afghanistan and to Natasha Romanov’s years before that._

_Could it be that no philanthropism but a very real attachment to both Shield and the Avengers made Tony Stark take the mantle of Iron Man and fight along a team?_

“I know this uhm very unusual even today but…ah I hope you’ll be very happy together”, Steve looked like he might burst into laughter any moment now.

Natasha on the other hand looked like she would kill him the second he did.

“Why do I always end up with your mess, Stark?” Phil asked.

“How is that my fault?” Tony protested.

“That dinner was your idea”, Natasha pointed out, still glaring at anyone who might dare to laugh at this.

“I thought it might be nice reminiscing about old times!”

“You mean the time when you were dying of Palladium poisoning, Natasha infiltrated your company and I threatened to tase you? That time?” Phil asked dryly.

“You used Palladium for your arc reactor?” Bruce sounded like he couldn’t reconcile that piece of information with the genius was supposed to be.

“Not the point right now”, Tony told him.

“How did they even make the connection between you having dinner together and a hot threesome?” Clint asked.

Tony shrugged. “They obviously had nothing else to write about. I mean it isn’t the most absurd thing that the press had on me. There’s nothing wrong with a threesome to pass the time.”

Phil, Natasha, Bruce and Clint all turned to glare at him. Steve hastily excused himself from the room but they could hear him giggling behind the door.

“I mean if we were all unbound and willing, which we are not”, he backpedalled quickly.

 

6\. The great green hoax  
 _Recently claims have cropped up that insinuate a relationship between Tony Stark and the Hulk._

_“Even someone with only a passing acquaintance with the Avengers would see how laughable that rumour is”, our inside source said. “I mean who would fall for an unstoppable rage monster? And what could Stark possibly want from someone like Banner? The man’s a sad excuse for a scientist if there ever was one.”_

“I’m going to kill them”, Tony crumpled the newspaper in his hand. “I will turn every single of their issues into toilet paper.”

“Before or after breakfast?” Bruce asked completely unconcerned. “Because if you leave now I can make fewer pancakes.”

“Why are you taking so easily?” Tony demanded to know.

Bruce shrugged with a self-ironic smile. “I’ve been called worse than a “sad excuse for a scientist” and I believe you complimented me on the way I turn into an “enormous green rage monster” the moment we met.”

“Well, I wasn’t in love with you then, was I?” And the look on Tony’s face showed that he absolutely didn’t mean to phrase it like this.

“Fair enough”, Bruce shrugged and went back to making pancakes.

“I could buy them out and turn their magazine into my own hymnbook”, Tony pondered out loud.

“Or you could come out with your relationship and watch them all scramble for an apology”, Phil said without bothering to look up from his newspaper.

“You’re a genius!” Tony exclaimed. “Marry me?”

“I’m sorry”, Phil drawled, “I’m already married.”

“Damn right you are!” Clint called from the couch.

“Do I detect some insecurity there?” Tony suggested smugly.

“I’ve got the most badass man on earth to marry me, Stark. Believe I have no reason to be insecure.”

“Anyway”, Tony turned back to Phil, “excellent idea. Jarvis, call Pepper. We need to talk about a press conference-“With that he wandered out of the kitchen.

“That’s a horrible idea”, Bruce told Phil once he had put the last pancake on top of the others. “And you know it.”

“You’ve got about one minute to change his mind before he’s called that conference.”

Bruce narrowed his eyes at Phil but he followed Tony out.

“Pancake?” Clint looked up to see Phil with a plate full of pancakes next to him.

“You are a genius. I know why I married you”, he purred.

“Thanks”, Phil replied dryly. “It’s nice to be appreciated.”

“I appreciate you”, Clint whispered, leaning in to kiss Phil, “very, very much.”


End file.
